Enough

Do you try to do too much, or is it just me?

Do you think you should be doing more, or is it just me?

Have you sat with this and wondered why?

I have.

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I think go-go-go is there because of fear, nervousness, unease about slowing down, about being still, about being bored.

I think I inherited it from a dairy farmer's daughter.

I think found myself feeling alone and lonely when I stopped.

I think I felt broken when I stopped. I didn't like that feeling so I avoided stopping.

I am saturated in a culture that celebrates full, busy, hussle, and achievement.

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So I crammed my days, as best I could, with with full, busy, hussle, and achievement.

When asked "how are you doing?" - "busy" or some iteration there of, was my reply.

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Home was a place of transition and to crash. The unmade bed, the piles of clothes and dishes, the store-bought, premade food in the freezer, and the hodgepodge of furnishings attested to this frenzy.

I could go months without realizing that I wasn't really connecting with people - friends, family, neighbors - too consumed in my work. Community-building was an after-thought in my drive to ____. (I pause here as I write this. It would be easier to just stop at drive, but was this drive for?) I think there was some sort of addiction, some sort of avoidance, some sort of coping, and some sort of mindlessness.

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So when I try to do too much and feel like I need to do more, these are thoughts and emotions to pause and consider, to attend to and explore curiously.

1. What are reasons you feel you should do more?

2. Are those voices to be trusted or are they protective mechanisms to cover over a possible deeper level of integration?

3. What are ways that you can pause to consider your patterning?

4. What are things that help you feel present and centered?

Sending SO much love!

May you always see the blessing.

-esb

P.S. - Thanks for being here. I’d love to hear how you’re doing & what you’re learning!

P.P.S. - All the art in these newsletters is mine, unless otherwise specified.

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